Dusty, who lives in San Mateo near San Francisco, earned his fame by stealing things from neighbors during nightly prowls near his home. Shoes, toys, bras – you meow it, he brings it home. His escapades have been documented by Animal Planet, and Dusty has even appeared on David Letterman. *Extra chin rubs*

Or maybe he’s running a black market syndicate for the neighbourhood cats? But why do they want to buy car wash sponges?

Last weekend Mama was changing the sheets on my bed. I *love* this ritual. I can hop between the fresh cotton and ride the billowing waves of the sheets. I roll onto my back then scoot my chin along the Egyptian thread count. Egyptians knew how to worship a cat didn’t they?

Because she’s a tyrant, Mama kept pushing me off the bed. Little does she know my stamina exceeds her temper so I just kept jumping back on to surf my sheets. Then she said ‘Copernicus, what the hell is that?’. I turned around and saw a spray of brown, standing out proudly against the white sheet. ‘Well Mama, that’s my pheromone!’. As if she didn’t know? When she pushed my behind to get me off the bed again, more squirted out. She was infuriated because she had to wash the sheets again. I have no idea why since I was only marking my territory, albeit without intention.

You see felines (and the inferior canine) have two anal glands on either side of their poop shoot. More technical info can be found on the Cat Site but the gist of it is this: when a cat poops, the process automatically expresses the glands to leave a sweet smelling message to any passers by that indicates ‘Hey, this is my property. Get thee away!’. Skunks do the same thing when they get a fright. Sometimes however a cat’s glands get a bit too full and can express during periods of excitement or an angry Mama’s push. Don’t be alarmed. It’s natural. Unless there’s a physiological problem, at which time the dreaded vet may need to be involved.

My feline friends, the simple fact is this. Humans don’t have anal glands therefore they cannot understand their importance. It’s a normal part of being a cat. If you’re experiencing any discomfort or unusual behaviour then by all means ask your caretaker to drive you to the vet to have them expressed, but if you’re feeling fine? Then insist your bed is donned with a darker shade of sheet!